ok so insomnia is eventually going to be the death of me. however as for right now, its just a huge inconvenience. kinda weird though because this always seems to happen on a Mon. or a Wed., when i have a 9am class the next morning. anywho enough about my insomnia, on to the topic of my day
so today i decided that going class just wasn't for me. after getting off of work at 1pm, i realized i left all of my books and such at home. so i went home and decided trying to make it back in time for my 2pm class was an act in futility. so i just kicked around the house with my bro until it was time for me to leave for choir. we had a really good choir rehearsal today. Dan rearranged the choir so that the blend would be so much better. I tried to mack it hardcore with this chick, that is until she told me she had a boyfriend...figures...
After choir, i was going to go to Barnes, as per usual. However, right before i was about to leave, Grant called me and invited me to go play pool with him out at UE. having really nothing else to do, i had him come pick me up and we went. after playing for about an hour, Grant and I decided to leave and go to his house. Well, on the way out, we ran into Laura Jo and her entourage (Brandon, Ryan, Robin and Seth). considereing i despise 2 out of the 5 people in that posse, i mainly just talked to LJ. we caught up on our lives and such. She is one of the sweetest things God has ever created. anyway, after 10 min. or so, Grant and I went and picked up Max, then went back to Grant's house. After Lucas caught up with us, we watched a totally hilarious movie called Going Greek. after the movie we all kinda sat around and talked about life, love...liberty...ok maybe not liberty, but it fit the the alliteraion scheme. anywho, after a while it turned into a cut-down contest between Max and me. he thought he had me after a series of "Nate is gay" cut-downs, but i soon proved him wrong. In a span of maybe an hour, i managed to bust out the 2 harshest cracks i have ever busted out on Max...that shut him up really quick. maybe one of them may have crossed the line, but after so many unwarranted gay cracks, i feel justified. Max is my best friend and all, but he really irks me sometimes. oh well
so that was a really fun evening, but it wasn't until after i got home that my evening felt fulfilling. After i got home, i got online and saw that Ms. Jeni Ahfeld was online. So, as per usual, I engaged in conversation with her and she related to me that she was having some issues. So me being me, i tell her if she wanted to talk about it, i was there for her. So the conversation pretty much turned into a big question of "Why not me?!?!"(respectively). During the conversation we bascially talked about how we both question how we have such problems finding decent people with whom to spend our lives. talking to her got me thinking about myself, and about my friends. Many a time, i have thought about just forgetting my morals and turing into a big man whore, like so many men i know. However, i then realize that i would be letting down all the people who have expectations of me. im not usually one to name drop, but im going to anyway. Jeni, Julie, Leah, and Jarboe are probably the 4 people who have kept me in line. I miss them all so much, and i love them all. I started thinking abot how i met all of them, and how had i made some choice differently, i may have never met them. Its scary, awe-inspiring, and amazing all in one.
I also started thinking about what kind of woman i am looking for, and i decided that if i can find a woman even half as amazing and wonderful as Jeni, Julie and Leah, i could live a happy life. Those 3 are so incredibly amazing, and i look up to them and repect them oh so much. I just adore them. >sigh< as cliche as this is, its so true: you never know what you have until you lose it. I love them all so much, and i miss them so much that it makes my heart hurt (its either that or im having a heart attack............) anywho, i think im gonna go to bed now....i've finally gotten tired
gnight
Wow, i had a really interesting day. The day starts out poorly when i find out that the book i need to buy for my English class is sold out, so i cannot start on my big assignment due in that class. hopefully the professor with give me an extension on it when he hears of my terrible plight. The day then started looking better. My classes were pretty good, complete with my Math 108 prof. accusing me of being a Nazi in so many words (its involves my last name and how i "hail Hitler" when i raise my had). That made me chuckle a great deal. We had male sectionals in choir today which went very well. After choir, Lucas and I worked out for like 45 min., so im all sore.
Then i went to Barnes for a bit, and ran into Natalie there. We had an, um, interesing? conversation involving school, music and icky stuff. I'll just puit it this way, i've never before heard semen referred to as "the critters". hahahahahahahahaha!!!! ok well thats all i have for today....i think....if i think of anything else, i'll make another post...
Ok so i've decided to do this Blog thing because a lot of my friends have done so and, well, peer pressure is a biotch. No, but i do contribute it to my selling out.
So if i've decided to stop getting involved in other people's affairs. In my past i have always been the therapist and have gotten myself into deep shit when taking sides. I'm no longer going to do that. Ironically however, 3 different people have asked me to get involved in their problems. I've told them that i would not take sides or get in the middle of it. I'm doing my best, however, to offer advice while still keeping distance. ugh, people suck..
anywho, I've been in kind of a depressed mood today, and i dont really know why. I have been listening to a lot of depressing music, but i can't tell if thats a harbinger or a consequence. who know? I've been listening to a lot of Morten Lauridsen because i think he is an truely amazing composer. Also, i've been listening to a lot of Matt Caplan. I think one reason for my depression is that my longing to a have relationship is resurfacing. Its tough though because i seem to have lost my ability to talk to women. In high school it was no problem, i could go up and start a conversation with any woman i wanted to, but now i have trouble saying hi. I think it may be a matter of self esteem, or lack thereof. But atleast I haven't resorted to one of those dating TV shows. If i ever think that that would be a good idea, someone please shoot me. I'm watching some Elimidate right now and these guys are total losers. There is NOTHING more pathetic than 4 guys vying for a girl on the sole premise of her being attractive. How horribly shallow and pathetic is that? I'm sorry, im just a huge personality person. I dont care how hot a girl is, if she is shallow, ignorant or stuck up, she's out the door. I'm not going to lie and say looks have nothing to do with it, but im very lenient if a girl isn't totally hot, but has an amazing personality. I just find is extremely shallow when a guy relies only at looks when choosing a person with whom to enter a relationship. eh...to each his own i suppose.
ok well i have class tomorrow so im going to bed now...
