Wednesday, October 29, 2003
"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept"
---George Carlin
"I dont buy everything I read; I haven't even read everything I've bought"
---Barenaked Ladies
"Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn for Sega"
---Jason Lee in Mallrats
"Come on, enjoy the humor of the situation"
---Barenaked Ladies
"Honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue. Honesty is hardly ever heard; but mostly what i need from you"
---Billy Joel
"I fully support the Femenist movement; but what makes me sad is that somewhere along the way, we lost the word "toots"...
---George Carlin
"I think many years ago an advanced civilization intervened with us genetically and gave us just enought intelligence to develop dangerous technology but not enough to use it wisely. Then they sat back and watched the fun...And you know what? They're getting their money's worth."
---George Carlin
"If you're sitting on the bus, and an attractive person smiles at you, you're like 'aww...they're being nice!'. However, if you're sitting on the bus and an ugly person smiles at you, you become afraid..."
---Jim Gaffigan
"To Women: If Anne Frank can write in her diary that all people are inately good, after all that she went through, then you can have one bad relationship without calling every guy an asshole..."
--- some comedian I saw on Comedy Central...she was really funny...
"You can't please all the people all the time, and last night, all those people were at my show."
---Mitch Hedberg
more to come....
Some New Tsuris
1:36 AM
So yeah, im not so horribly tired tonight...granted its only 12:15 right now...still rather early for me.
Today has been a pleasantly dreary day...it was a nice break from the good days...is that weird? like have you ever been in like too good of a mood, that you start to think something is wrong with you? that like you've just snapped and you are now and empty, hollow, smiling shell of what you once were (had to borrow that phrase from Max there...). like today was rainy, dark, cold, i was tired and just kinda irritated at the whole world today, and i enjoyed every minute of it. i get tired of being the happy, easy-to-get-along-with guy. sometimes i just wanna be, as Mr. Billy Joel would put it, an Angry Young Man.
I'm tired of being the only active one in a relationship (platonic and other). I hate being the only one trying to make an effort. I'm tired of being the one that always has to call, or IM, or ignite the conversation. Why can't i be pleasantly surprised by a phone call, or random IM from someone? i dunno...maybe no one wants to talk to me. Maybe i'll just stop putting forth the effort and see what happens. or maybe im just being retarded. hmm...quite an conundrum. my train of thought reminds me of a verse from the song "Enid" by Barenaked Ladies:
"I can get a job
I can pay the phone bill
I can cut lawn, cut my hair
Cut out my cholesterol
I can work overtime
I can work in a mine
I can do it all for you
But I don't want to"
Its so clever, creative, and fun...but also true. So many times people expect things from us that we just don't want to do. Usually its just stuff ya gotta do. But sometimes, you have to look out for yourself and stop before it gets outta hand.
So hey, if you think im ignoring you or im blowing you off, I'm not, I've just decided that I'm going to stop trying to force myself onto people. If you want to talk to me, then come up to me, call me, IM me, email me, send me smoke signals, communicate via telepathy......I love talking to people, but not when they dont want to talk to me. So this is my way of giving everyone a break from me, who want a break. thats all i have to say about that
I'm out for right now...I may post again later....i dont know...later
Some New Tsuris
12:25 AM
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
My brain hurts...its so tired; but im not sleepy. im just so tired of thinking all the time. thats all i do is think. I over analyze everything and that makes my head hurt.
This is going to be a blog in which I bitch, but i swear im not depressed or anything. I'm actually in a really good mood, just gotta get some stuff off my mind. I HATE it when women dont like to give you straight answers. Not that they do it intentionally, but they do it nonetheless. I've had a lot of problems with this in the past. Also I hate when people are like totally different depending on who they're with. i mean someone may act kinda different when they're with one group of friends or another, but thats not what im talking about. I'm talking about how like when its just you and a person, things are totally cool; but when that person gets into a situation with more than one person, they act like you're not even there. I hate that more than anything. I guess its because i like to be the focus point of attentionl but i concede that im not always gonna be in the center of attention at all times. However, I do like to be at least acknowledged when im there. Thats just common courtesy. Also, i hate euphemisms; if you have something to say, say it. If someone asks you a question, answer them in the most honest way possible. I fucking hate "kinda...sorta...i guess...", that drives me nuts. JUST TELL ME ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!! ugh. just eliminate the confusion, and be blunt. you won't hurt my feelings, and if you do, i'll deal with it, im a big boy. i dunno, thats all i got right now
Some New Tsuris
12:17 AM
Monday, October 27, 2003
Oh boy have i had an interesting week. Ok so im asked to join John's band, Baccuss, as the bass player, so thats really awsome and im really excited about that. well then tonight, some friends at work ask me to join their band as a lead vocalist of their acoustic group. so i'm TOTALLY excited about that because i LOVE singing. I've put together a CD for Kensington that I think she'll really enjoy, and that was fun because i got to listen back on some songs i haven't listened to in a while. One of them being Prince's When Doves Cry. Only problem is that it has been stuck in my head. It's a great song but its really starting to bug me. This is what it sounds like when Burgy's irritated.
So yeah, things are going exquisitly. Um, i did do something very bad on Fri. though. I was over at Jason's house and we kinda got really drunk. I'm the responsible one, im not supposed to get drunk. But at least i've learned its something that i don't enjoy doing, so like i got it all out of my system. I just hated the fact that i couldn't control my impulses, it just bothered me. plus now i know im not a lightweight. I downed 4 glasses of pretty strong vanilla vodka/cherry coke mixes, and 3 3/4 bottle of Bacardi (3 Bacardi O3, and 3/4 Bacardi silver) all in a matter of a couple hours. I was still walking, i didn't throw up or pass out, and i didn't have a hang over when i woke up. so yay for that....but im not getting drunk anymore.
Yes so this girl (not gonna mention names, but if you know me you know who it is probably) and I had a really interesting talk the other day. There could possibly be more to this story, possibly not. i'll keep updated as soon as i am updates.
ok well thats all for tonight....im TIRED!! night all
Some New Tsuris
1:52 AM
Thursday, October 23, 2003
ok so its 3:20 AM and Burgdorf can't sleep. This = not good, considering have a 9 AM class tomorrow (today?). I just have tons of shit on my mind that I can't seem to get out, so maybe i'll Blog it out. I can't really talk about thoughts in depth at this point, but I would like to grace the surface.
So I'm sitting here listening to some Barenaked Ladies (not an unusal occurance) and im having one of those nights where every song is really cutting deep and really hitting home for me. They are hitting all the nails on the head, especially one song. I don't usually like to Blog lyrics but this one song is so beautiful and eloquent that I just had to share...so here goes
"Am I The Only One"
by
Barenaked Ladies
Am I the only one who gets to make you laugh?
Laugh until you cry
Am I the only one who asked you to go?
Go on withoutme
Amy I the only one who loves when you leave
Your hair down in front of your eyes?
(Chorus)
Who?
Who do you think I am?
Who?
Who do you think I'll be without you?
Am I the only one who had to dress you up
To see how you fell down?
Am I the only one who needs you to go
Go on about me?
Am I the only one who loves when you leave
Your hair down in front of you eyes
(Repeat Chorus)
Aren't those just absolutely beautiful lyrics?? Well I think they are. If you can't tell, I'm just a little lovestruck....actually I'm not sure if I am or not. I keep telling myself I'm not, but I think I've learned to see through my bullshit. Who knows?
All i know is that there are some people in this world who can knock you on your ass by just how incredibly different they are. There are people who you expect to be one way, and completely blow your mind because they're so much more incredible than you could even imagine. I'm not saying this applies to anyone in particular, but these kinds of people are out there, and its these kinds of people that make me glad to be alive. By the way, dont ask me who this mystery woman is, 'cause i won't tell ya. Speculate all you want, that's fine.
Have you ever seen something or heard a song so beautiful, that you literally could not even being to fathom speaking or even thinking? Is that not the most incredible feeling in the world? Those kinds of things reassure my belief in God. Only a truely loving God would give us those moments, because no matter how much we think we do, we dont deserve it. Like when you wake up after a huge snowfall, and look your your window. In that brief moment, all of your problems, all of your worries, all of you concerns taken away by the first sight of nature's beauty.
I've asked this question before, and I'll ask it again. How is it that the most selfish, self-absorbed, ignorant cretins can get women, and guys like me cannot? why? why? why? I mean there are some guys who manage to take great women...truely amazing women...and fuck them up. I see it all the time, and I have to ask why? If I could find a woman half as good as some of these women, I would treat her like a queen. She would not have to pay for anything, she would not have to drive anywhere, she would not have to call, she would not have to worry about if I am being faithful. I am one of the most loyal guys I know, yet I can't manage a date, let alone a relationship. It just bugs me.
THIS IS FOR ALL SINGLE, AMAZING WOMAN (amazing personality.....looks aren't everything). ok well I think I'll be able to sleep now...its like 3:45. I love you amazingly great people (y'all know who you are). Peace
Some New Tsuris
3:46 AM
Thursday, October 16, 2003
so i hope everyone is doing well....'cause im doing superb....ly....does that get an "ly" at the end?? who know...and moreover, who cares...
so i had a wunderbar day today...woke up at 10:30...got my truck payment all paid today (a week overdue...whooooops...), got my truck all filled with gasoline (it was well past E...i was proud) and then i finished my math homework on campus, then went to math class...which was pretty boring. so then we move on to choir, and we have a really good rehearsal and what not. then Natalie and I went to dinner and just talked about stuff. then after that i went to the North Choir show, which was great...they have a really good choir this year...im really impressed. after that, i came home got a bite to eat, then headed to Crystal's (my brother's friend) house to hang out and such. so Kensington and I were talking tonight about relationships and such, and i was just talking about how like i would rather have a really strong emotional relationship with a woman before i have a physical relationship. so she was like "so that means we would be having mind sex??" and i was like "umm...yeah....i suppose..." so she was like "so then we would have mind babies..." and i was like "ok thats just disturbing..." so that was my weird convo for the night.
ok so im watching Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker on my computer and he made a really good point. we need to make bullets $5,000 a piece, that way like there would be NO innocent bystanders....some dude gets shot, and the people are like "damn....that nigga must have done SOMETHING to deserve that....dude put $50,000 worth of bullets in him!"
sorry that was my random thought of the night. well thats all for now, but i have a feeling i'll be posting just a bit later....
Some New Tsuris
12:15 AM
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
whew...can i say that i am so tired and i have done almost nothing today. woke up at about 11, sat around the house until maybe 12:30-ish, then went to lunch with my dad and brother.and then had to drop something off at the dump for my dad. so i get to school and go to choir, well actually we all hang out before choir actually started. after choir, i came home and sat around until like 9ish, then went to Barnes until 10, came home and i've been on the computer ever since. its really sad huh?
ok so i've had an incredible weekend. on Fri., Julie, Leah, Jenni and Farf were in town so we went down to the fall festival. it was a blast! then on Sat., after i got off of work, Wenzel gave me a call and told me he could get Max and I free passes to the movies if we wanted to go, so we all went to see Kill Bill. It was Wenzel, Max, Tieken, Craiger and me. The movie was awsomely hardcore. well after the movie, Jenni called and said she was having some people over so after dropping Max off (he was really tired) i headed out that way. well on the way there, i took a wrong turn, and instead of turning around, i decided to just see where this random road went. so 45 minutes later, i arrive at Jenni's house. this would put the time at about 1:45. so we watch a movie, drank a little (no i didn't get drunk), and then i took off...i got home about 3:30. then on Sun., i worked from 4 - 8:15, then went over to Mills' house to watch a movie and do homework. so yeah, great weekend
oh one very weird event this weekend was on Fri., Sarah called me randomly. for those of you who dont know, Sarah is my ex girlfriend. like we only dated for a month, but we were really really close until about Jan. of this year. Well i haven't talked to her in something like 3 months, partly because of her choices in dating. well on Fri., she called me randomly and said that she "was thinking about" me; whatever that means. as far as i can figure, she a) wants to rekindle our friendship...b) wants to rekindle something else...or c) she just wanted someone to bitch to. eh, i'll call her later this week and find out what exactly is gonig on. it was just weird.
Its been a weird day. I haven't been happy, sad, mad, excited...just mediocre. like i've walked around with a look of deep thought/ borderline scowl on my face, but im not in a bad mood. aaanywho, im gonna get off of here now....
Some New Tsuris
12:19 AM
Friday, October 10, 2003
hoooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyy!
ok so despite my 4 hours of sleep last night, it has been a SUPERB day. had class at 9am (English), the had nothing until 3 (choir). I auditioned for a solo in one of our songs for choir. im pretty sure i at least got a duet, if not a solo. i also auditioned for Madrigal Dinner. I think im gonna be king....ya know, its good to be da king! (yay for Mel Brooks!)...or as Feagley and I used to say, "It's beneficial to be the monoarch". hahaha random.
anywho, yeah so im so excited because Julie and Leah and Jenni and Farf are all coming in to town tomorrow. so we're all going to meet at the fall festival. HELLZ TO THE MUTHAFUCKIN' YIZZEAH!!!!!! its gonna be great to see them again. the only thing that can dampen my day tomorrow is the fact i have a math test tomorrow...grr... college would be awsome if it weren't for all those stupid classes. ok well im going to bed now
Some New Tsuris
12:31 AM
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
hey guys, i realized that my post was kinda heavy...so i wanted to end things for the night on an upbeat note. so im gonna list all the great things that have happened to me in the recent past.
ok well problems between Max and I are pretty much resolved now, so thats awsome. My dude Jason just got a KILLER apartment like a quarter block down from the fall festival. the CD jamming the CD player in my truck finally popped out (it was my Queen's Greatest Hits CD, so i was mad about losing it).
like i said before, i've met a lot of cool people out at USI, mainly in the choir...if i don't list ya below that doesn't mean you're not cool, you just didn't pop into mind : (in alphabetical order) Amy, Heidi (knew her from last year, but never really talked to her until this year...), John (What What?), Kensington, Lindsey, Mike, Sarah, Stump...umm...thats all i can think of right now...again, sorry if I forgot to list you.
I've also rekindled friendships with some old friends: Bob, Janine, Jason (Jay Good) Natalie (we've always been friends, just not as close last year)...umm..thats about it...same disclaimer applies.
yeesh, what else great has happened?? i've started feeling a lot better about myself, so hopefully i will be doing less bitching in the future. im doing well in pretty much all of my classes, so thats cool.
the new Barenaked Ladies CD is coming out at the end of this month, so im TOTALLY happy about that (they're my favorite band, what can i say)...
ok well thats all for tonight....i think... later
(P.S. to all the afore mentioned people, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! I also love all of you who have been there for me in the past...I love you all just that much more)
Some New Tsuris
9:55 PM
***WARNING: A BURGY SELF-EVALUATION BELOW....COULD GET UGLY***
NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART (ok thats a little dramatic but hey...it happens)
ok so i haven't blogged in, lets say, approximately a month now (Sept. 11 - Oct. 8th....just short of one month). you may be asking yourself why...does burgy think he's too GOOD to blog?? has he been abducted by gelatinous aliens and fangoreously devoured?? did tool weilding apes get in cahoots and form an alliance with a bus load of fat kids and decide to take me out?? my answers : nope, probable but not so, and you'd be surprised....
no i've just been so busy and stressed and anxious (and not the good day-before- christmas kind) that i haven't been able to even keep a fucking thought in my head. so after a month of anxiety attacks, being sick, fits of self-oppression (not depression, just unconsciously holding myself down), the waters are finally starting to calm, and not too soon. so now you may be asking yourself, "why all of the emotional problems?" to be perfectly honest, i am responsible for all of them. basically i love making things so much more complex and difficult than they really are. I suppose that's because i want my life to have some sense of drama and intrest. I lead a fairly boring life. I get up, I go to work or school, I come home, I study/hang out with friends/ do homework/sit on the computer for hours on end, and then i go to sleep. my dramatic side will not allow that to be the sole events of my life. so i like to blow things entirely out of proportion. i like to take every day issues, and act like the commen nomen clature doesn't apply to me because for some odd reason, i am different. i have to live with the fact that, while im unique and somewhat eccentric, im not an exception to the rules. for example, i haven't been in a real dating situation in a little over a year now....that happens, we all hit our slumps. but for the past few months, i have made it out to be some sort of conspiracy against me, or that i wasn't good enough. thats just not the case. i'm in a slump...things are changing, 90% of the people im really close to have gone away to college...my friend base has shrunken severely, that's bound to lead to a decrease in the dating life.
something else i've come to realize about myself is that i tend to take things entirely too personally. like when people ask for my advice and then dont take it. I often take that as a personal attack on my integrity, when its really not. they listened to what i had to say, evaulated that compared to what they wanted to do and made a judgement call. they didn't disregard my advice just to spite me. it happened the other day, and like for a couple days i was really really angry and depressed...i took it personally and emotionally. but today i realized that she didn't do anything wrong, she made a judgement call. (and if you figure out im talking about you, im sorry).
at this point i would like to thank the people who have kept me sane and who have been there for me the past few days....a lot of the old support group has helped me out, but im also meeting some really great new friends that i totally appreciate. also, i'm rediscovering friends i've had for a while. people who i've forgotten how really awsome they are. so to all of you..thanks a bunch...
ok well i sure you are all thoroughly bored now, so im gonna go...i'll try to keep up with this thing a little better than i have in the past...later y'all (i'm from Texas, i say y'all..deal with it)
Some New Tsuris
9:06 PM
