Sunday, December 28, 2003
Ok so its been decided....my dad is a moron. He gets these little whims that my brother and I always, somehow, feel the wrath of. Tonight, he told me to take the glide-rocker out of the backroom, and put it in his room. Then, take the big recliner out of his room, and but it in the backroom....all on a whim. The recliner matches the color scheme of his room, and not the backroom....however, the rocker matches the color scheme of the back room, not his room. It was the most useless 10 minutes i've ever spent. After we were done, he told us he didn't like it, but we refused to redo it. so, he'll have to live with it.
In other news, I love when people say they'll call you to make plans, and they dont call. Like even if other plans arise and you dont want to do anything with that person, at least call them and tell them. Its just kind of annoying because if i know something is going to come up, i like to keep that schedual clear. thus, i cancel plans with others to do so. ok, im done with that rant...
have you ever felt like you are no longer needed in someone's life, when you were at one point an important part? i hope not, because its happeneing to me in many of my relationships, and its fucking up my universe. but i guess thats just something i have to deal with. there's nothing i can do about it, and like its no one's fault. it just happens....such is life....
Some New Tsuris
7:54 PM
Saturday, December 27, 2003
Oye!! its happening again....AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
I swear, certain women are going to be the death of me.....for their respective reasons...
grrr.....i hate when skeletons decide they liked living in your closet, and take up residence there once more....this happens to me a lot...
I want to be with her, but I dont know if its possible.
she is utterly adorable, but she deserves better than what i can offer....i dunno...i quit....
like i'm fine until im with her, and then it hits me again like a Mack truck full of fat kids. I think she is someone with whom, if she'd let me, i could spend a life...but perhaps im just making this all up....i dont know anymore....ok, im really going to bed now
Some New Tsuris
5:44 AM
ok so its 5:20am....now you must be thinking "wow, Burgdorf is really up early!"....nay nay nay, i JUST got in. WONDERFUL evening tonight. however, we'll get back to that..... if the following seems really random and disorganized, its because i haven't been to sleep in like 17 hours....that having been said, let us begin...
so first and foremost, i must apologize for my recent posts. I'm not as depressed and all sad as my previous posts have made me out to be. sometimes i'll be thinking back on how i felt at a certain time, and those feelings resurface. That is what happened. I am down a little bit, pretty irked about a certain situation, and i think im opening myself up again for major disaster, but its a chance i think im willing to take.
item 1: ok so i still have the icky bloody eye thing, but i'm actually not too self-concious about it any more. people have to deal with it. it'll go away. i'm still sticking with my "no booze 'til Ireland" campaign, though i'm not sure how long THAT will last. alcohol is bad for you...it is poison, and your body does not like poison. don't argue with your body, because it knows how to defend itself.
item 2: yes, there is a certain situation in which i am having some MAJOR issues with. i'm not going to get into details because, frankly, its no one's fucking business. but its a situation that I have no control over and i've put myself in a position to be forced to deal with it. I'll live. I'll sulk, but I'll live.
item 3: as one door closes, another one seems it may be opening, but im not sure. I'm hoping for things to take off next semester...romantically speaking that is. I think I may have a good shot, but I can't tell. Here's hoping
item 4: I LOVE LEAH!!! tonight, i went to a party with some of the old high school gang. well we all decided to cut out early, so Leah, Grant, Katie and I all went to Denny's and like sat and talked from like 11:30- 2:30. SOOOOOO much fun. Then afterwards, Leah, Grant and I walked around Wessleman's Park for a bit. But then, as we were walking by the golf hut thing there, the payphone randomly started ringing, just as we were walking by. Now, i have seen the movie "Phonebooth" enough times to know, you dont answer a strange payphone, esp. if you weren't expecting a call. So we high-tailed it out of there and went to Grant's house. We sat down there and talked about stuff, plans for the summer, etc.... bottom line, I love me some Leah. yay for my pseudo-fuck-buddy!!!
umm, thats about it....if i think of more, i'll post later...but im going to bed, 'cause im really fucking tired.
P.S., i apologize for the vagueness in certain items. i dont want to hurt peoples' feelings or make them uncomfortable.
Some New Tsuris
5:35 AM
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
I gotta stop letting shit get to me....I let stupid shit get to me, and I shouldn't.....UGH!
Some New Tsuris
12:28 AM
Monday, December 22, 2003
ok, so I love Blues Traveler...I just heard this song tonight, and like it is so how im feeling right now...read below:
If you are ever feeling like you're tired
And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill
If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you
And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill
I ask you a very simple question
Did you think for one minute that you are alone?
And is your suffering a privilege you share only,
Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home?
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
If you think I've given up on you, you're crazy
And if you think I don't love you, well then you're just wrong
In time you just might take to feeling better
Time is the beauty of the road being long
I know that now you feel no consolation
But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud
I say this without fear of hesitation
I can honestly tell you that you make me proud
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
If anything I might have just said has helped you
If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on
Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle
And your appetite for pain may all be gone
I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping
Until that smile has once again returned to your face
There's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying
Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace
Just wait
Just wait
Just wait
And it will come
Some New Tsuris
9:19 PM
sometimes I feel as if no one cares...I know that's not true, but I get that feeling anyway.....Its sad
Some New Tsuris
9:12 PM
I don't want to be home, but I dont know if I want to go anywhere tonight....what a conundrum....
Some New Tsuris
5:23 PM
I'm sitting in my room, in the dark, listening to Matt Caplan, Billy Joel and such....this is not a good sign. I think i'm getting depressed again...ugh...
Some New Tsuris
4:45 PM
Sunday, December 21, 2003
Ok, so I after the weekend I just had, I am vowing to not get drunk again for a very very very.....very.........veryveryveryvery long time. I dont know why I thought it would be a good idea to do like 4 doubleshots of vodka...straight. It was very retarded of me, but ya know what? I've learned my lesson. I punished myself by volunteerting to close at work, even though I felt like shit. Actually, work wasn't that bad tonight. It only took us 1 1/2 hours to close. back to my story, I just wanted to thank Kensington and Stump for taking care of me whilest i was making a total ass of myself. "SHUT THE FUCK UP SHAUN!! LET ME FINISH MY FUCKING SENTENCE!"....sorry Shaun. Kensington, you are so fucking awsome its not even cool. Not only did you make sure I didn't get myself killed last night, you got the stains out of my shirt, and made us breakfast the next morning (by morning i mean afternoon, when we all woke up). I LOVE ME SOME THIS ONE (>gestures to Kengsington<) sooooo much, and I swear to you, you will not have to take care of me for a long long time. Stump, you are awesome as well, granted, it was your vodka and such, but ya know, it was a fun night nonetheless. Thanks for helping take care of me.
ok enough about that. So at work tonight, Ben brought in a CD to listen to during close. He put in "Fungus Amongus" by Incubus. This CD is incredible. Its like a funk/metal fusion. He let me borrow it, so now im copying it onto my computer. Its a wonderfully eccentric collection of music.
since I offered to close tonight, Jeff gave me tomorrow off. yay for that, i get to watch Arrested Development and such tomorrow (I'm usually working then). AD is such a funny show. I love David Cross....he's the "never-nude". sorry, that was random.
aaaaanywho, YAY for everyone coming home again for a couple weeks-ish. That makes me happy.
ya know what also makes me happy?? sleep...goodnight
Some New Tsuris
1:37 AM
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
NO MORE FINALS!!! WHOOO!!!
ok, so below are the reasons why Burgdorf's life is fucking AWSOME:
1) NO MORE FINALS
2) Spending the week with Stump, Kensington, Cara, Shaun and Rachel....God, I love them so much
3) EVERYONE IS COMING HOME!!!!
4) I just bought the Wicked Soundtrack, and it kicks more ass than imaginable
5) I sold back my books and got enough money to make my truck payment
6) I'm slowly but surely getting over most of my issues
7) I'm getting a lot of hours at work over Christmas break
There are more, but I can't think right now...'bout to head to bed...if i think of more, i'll post 'em tomorrow
Some New Tsuris
2:18 AM
Saturday, December 13, 2003
ok what the fuck is "Loser" by Beck about?? I've loved this song for something like 10 years, and I can't figure it out....here's the lyrics
In the time of chimpanzees
I was a monkey
Butane in my veins
and I became the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs,
Spray-paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
Kill the headlights
And put it in neutral
Stock car flamin' with a loser
And the cruise control
Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D
Got a couple of couches,
Sleep on the love-seat
Someone keeps sayin'
I'm insane to complain
About a shotgun wedding
And a stain on my shirt
Don't believe everything that you breathe
You get a parking violation
And a maggot on your sleeve
So shave your face
With some mace in the dark
Savin' all your food stamps
And burnin' down the trailer park
(Yo. Cut it.)
Soy un perdedor*
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
(Double-barrel buckshot)
Soy un perdedor*
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare
Banned all the music with a phony gas chamber
'Cuz one's got a weasel
And the other's got a flag
One's on the pole, shove the other in a bag
With the rerun shows
And the cocaine nose-job
The daytime crap of the folksinger slop
He hung himself with a guitar string
Slap the turkey-neck
And it's hangin' from a pigeon wing
You can't write if you can't relate
Trade the cash for the beef
For the body for the hate
And my time is a piece of wax
Fallin' on a termite
Who's chokin' on the splinters
Soy un perdedor*
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
(Get crazy with the cheeze whiz)
Soy un perdedor*
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
(Drive-by body-pierce)
(Yo, bring it on down)
Soooooooyy....
[chorus backwards]
(I'm a driver, I'm the winner;
Things are gonna change
I can feel it)
Soy un perdedor*
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
(I can't believe you)
Soy un perdedor*
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
Soy un perdedor*
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
[repeat]
(Sprechen sie Deutsch, baby?)
Soy un perdedor*
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?
(Know what I'm sayin'?)
*[Translation: "I'm a loser"]
Some New Tsuris
6:33 PM
Thursday, December 11, 2003
Another Billy Joel song that I absolutely needed to here at this point in my life...
Some love is just a lie of the heart,
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start.
And they may not want it to end,
But it will, it's just a question of when.
I've lived long enough to have learned,
The closer you get to the fire, the more you get burned
But that won't happen to us,
Because it's always been a matter of trust.
I know you're an emotional girl.
It took a lot for you to not lose your faith in this world.
I can't offer you proof,
But you're going to face a moment of truth.
It's hard when you're always afraid,
You just recover when another belief is betrayed.
So break my heart of you must......
It's a matter of trust.
You can't go the distance,
With too much resistance.
I know you have doubts,
But for God's sake don't shut me out.
This time you've got nothing to lose.
You can take it, you can leave it,
Whatever you choose....
I won't hold back anything,
And I'll walk a way a fool or a king.
Some love is just a lie of the mind.
It's make believe until its only a matter of time.
And some might have learned to adjust,
But then it never was a matter of trust.
I'm sure you're aware love,
We've both had our share of,
Believing too long,
When the whole situation was wrong.
Some love is just a lie of the soul.
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control.
After you've heard lie upon lie,
There can hardly be a question of why.
Some love is just a lie of the heart.
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start.
But that can't happen to us.....
Because it's always been a matter of trust.
It's a matter of trust ....
It's always been a matter of trust ....
It's a matter of trust ....
It's always been a matter of trust ....
It's a matter of trust .......................
Some New Tsuris
8:10 PM
ok so i just got home and i played all my Billy Joel MP3s, as i always do....and the song Vienna came on...and it was just the song i needed to hear... here are the words...
"Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious, for a juvenile.
But then if you're so smart,
Tell me why are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire?
Whats the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out.
You've got so much to do
And only so many hours in a day.
But you know that when the truth is told,
That you can get what you want,
or you can just get old.
You're gonna kick off before you even get half way through.
When will you realize?
Vienna waits for you.
Slow down, You're doing fine.
You can't be everything you want to be
before your time;
although its so romantic
on the borederline tonight.
Too bad, but its the life you lead.
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need.
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know, you can't always see when you're right.
You got your passion, you've got your pride,
But dont you know that only fools are statisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true...
When will you realize?
Vienna waits for you.
Slow down you crazy child,
and take the phone off the hook.
Disappear for a while
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two.
When will you realize?
Vienna waits for you
And you know that when the truth gets told,
That you can get what you want,
or you can just get old.
You're gonna kick off before you even get half way through
When will you realize?
Vienna waits for you.
Some New Tsuris
7:47 PM
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
There are some people who are physically attractive, but their hearts are so wickedly ugly, nothing will make them beautiful...however, there are some people who, if you didn't know them, you would glance over...not because they're not attractive, just because they're nothing eye catching...until you get to know them. Then you see that this person has such a wonderful heart that they become the most beautiful thing ever created. you can't look at this person and believe there is no God...because God is the only thing capable of creating such beauty...
Cara, Jeni, Lauren, Kensington, Julie, Leah and everyone else who has blessed me with their friendship and love....what i just said applies to you...you will always be incredibly beautiful in my eyes...don't ever think that you're unloved
Some New Tsuris
11:03 PM
I've just been sitting here, listening to Billy Joel...and i started thinking, "I can't wait for Jeni to come home." I really can't wait...I can't wait until i can meet her at Barnes and talk about the most retarded things...'cause thats what we do....sorry just a random thought for the night....i leave you with this Billy Joel quote
"Home is just another word for you..."
Some New Tsuris
10:01 PM
I have decided that I will be the next Billy Joel...but even more than that...im going to be a mix between Billy Joel and Jon Larson...fuck that...Billy Joel, Jon Larson and Adam Pascal....damn straight....
Some New Tsuris
9:39 PM
Ok so im watching Clerks right now, and I've decided that I am Dante. I am the kind of guy who would come in on his day off, and stay, even though the boss broke his promise to show up. I am the one who would be in a perfect relationship, and then throw it all away for some pipe-dream relationship with my ex. I am the one who would patch everything up for an irresponsible co-worker. Randall says something to Dante that perfectly describes me.... "Fuck you! Fuck you pal!...You like to think the fate of the world rests on your shoulders; like this place would fall apart of Dante wasn't here... You're so obsessed with making it seem more epic, more important than it really is...We like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people who come in here to buy a paper, or God forbid, cigarettes. We look down on them like we're so advanced...well if we're so fuckin' advanced, what are we doing working here?"
and another one
"Ah, that's all bullshit though, man. You know the real problem is? You should shit or get off the pot...You sit there and blame life for dealing you a cruddy hand, never once accepting responsibility for the station you're in...Oh, you're comfortable right? This is a life of conveniece for you, and any attempt to change it would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself...man if you weren't such a fucking coward...so what? you're going to sit there an be miserable, because you don't have the guts to face change?"
Well Randall, im going to try not to...I'm slowly but surely getting my shit in order......thats all i got for now
Some New Tsuris
9:05 PM
"Moving on is a chance
You take everytime
You try to stay together...
So many faces in and out of my life
Some will last
Some will just be now and then.
Lfe is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I'm afraid its time for goodbye again."
I've decided that moving on is the only thing I can do. She doesn't want a relationship. I still love her, but I can't do this to myself. I can't pine. I did that once and it damn near killed me. So I will go around and build small foundations with many people, never forgetting my love for her; just pushing it aside.
Some New Tsuris
12:25 AM
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not in the best of moods right now.....must tend to my broken heart
Some New Tsuris
1:32 AM
Monday, December 08, 2003
oh and if you want to read the poem i wrote tonight, click the LoveBlender link beneath my tagboard
Some New Tsuris
11:06 PM
the Mon. following a great weekend is always a drag.
So i slept until noon, because i was up late talking to Lauren online. Then i got up and went to Math, and spaced out for an hour. Then, due to my denial of not having choir, I bee-lined to the choir room. Fortunately, Kensington, Lucas, Stump, Shaun and others were also in denial...so we all put the choir room back together, since it was dishevled from Madrigal. It was a lot of fun, but while hanging out with all them, i started thinking. That of course got me all depressed. So i got home, wrote some poetry, brooded for a bit. Then Jeni got online....she is such an amazing chick. She always makes me feel so much better about myself. We've established that we're going to get married and have a soccer-playing girl named Nemo, and a musician son named Billy Joel. oh and a theater girl named Idina (needless to say, as in Menzel), yay for her.
also tonight, i watched The Hebrew Hammer Comedy Central.....TOOOOOOOOO HILARIOUS!!!!
and I quote "I like my women like I like my matza, unleavened"
Some New Tsuris
11:03 PM
>sigh< THUS ENDETH ANOTHER MADRIGAL FEASTE! and the king is sad.....
ok this weekend has been the most fun/tiring/stressful/happy weekend i've had in a LOOOOONG time. I don't know what I'm going to do with my time now...hmm..probably work...yay for money. ya know, i love Madrigal dinner and hate Madrigal dinner for the very same reason. You meet some totally amazingly awsome people. So why the hatred? because you meet them a week and a half before they leave! Such a cruel twist of fate.
Ok so this weekend, as previously mentioned, I met some really cool people, and have strengthened friendships with others. I met Lauren this weekend...she is my head wench (meet me in my chambers fair wench! ) Like when i met her, it was just one of those things where there was no real awkwardness about not knowing each other. In fact, I'm pretty sure I either made fun of her or made some sort of sexual inuuendo at her the first time I even spoke to her. She is totally succeeding in the rockage of my socks. And while i dont know the words to "Thoroughly Modern Millie", I hope you can forgive such inequities, because you really are one awsome chick who I would LOVE to get to know better.
Also this weekend, I met Mario......can't say that I particularly like him, however, we did have a couple interesting conversations. I think I'll be able to get along with him so long as he doesn't bullshit as much as I've heard/noticed.
Friendships that have been strengthened...Stump has been my DUDE the past few days. Not only did he give me some really rockin' secret santa gifts (a lacy bra/thong set, and a DVD of 80's music videos), he was there to help not only me through some tough issues, but also helped Kensington out when she was in a bit of a bind...and anyone who helps out any of my girls is awsome in my book.
I've also been talking to Shaun a lot more. Really crazy, cool guy. He always offers a slightly skewed perspective on the world, and I like that.
Dustin and I have gotten to be really good friends....poor kid...his morals and inhibitions didn't stand a chance when he started hanging out with me. OOOOOO CHAMBERLAIIIIN!!! hahaha (to those of you who dont get it, stop trying to....you won't).
Rachel and I have gotten really close this past weekend...she is SUCH a great kid...absolutely, stunningly beautiful, not only physically but as a person as well.
ok, side note, AHHHHHHHHHH!! DAVID DID IT!!!! HE PROPOSED TO JEANINE!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that having been said, i must get ready to go to class...
Some New Tsuris
12:28 PM
Sunday, December 07, 2003
wow, tonight was soooo much fun
first off, Madrigal was fun, although kinda lacking....its all good though
well afterwards, i went with Rachel to meet up with bunch of people from choir out at Turoni's. WE HAD A BLAST!!! i love Rachel so much, she's is awsome. like we talked about our past relationships and such on the way there, and just had a great talk....what a good kid. anywho, so i really liked all but, oh, 2 people there...one of the guys is totally on my shit list right now. apparently, he tried to do something to a certain someone last night while he was drunk....she took care of herself (cracked him in the nuts)....yay for her. but apparently, he's telling a different story. so he's not in good with me right now. ugh, fuck guys sometimes...they're so stupid, myself included, but for different reasons.
so i got home from Turoni's and i was talking to Jeni...she's really not doing really well...poor kid, she deserves so much better than she's getting right now. in an attempt to make her feel better, i sent her pics i took at Madrigals tonight.....she absolutely can't wait to start choir next semester.
so im looking through my pics, and like there is a reeaally good one of Heidi (totally amazingly sweet and beautiful, inside and out), a good one of Kensington and Stump, a really good one of Rachel and I (as Jeni said, "could she GET any more beautiful?? i think not!), a GREAT one of John, and equally great one of Dustin (he wants your support...nevermind)....such good times.....ok this whole rant really was going nowhere....im out for now
Some New Tsuris
2:23 AM
Saturday, December 06, 2003
2:30 AM and im still awake. I feel like a parent. I left Kensington at a party with a bunch of guys drinking....which was stupid of me, because now im worried sick. I mean I trust her, and I trust a few of the guys she's with, but still, I worry. If anything happens to her, I'm going to feel so guilty, 'cause I shouldn't have left...ok im going to stop worrying .....now..........................................................damn, didn't work....
So Madrigal went very well tonight. Didn't botch any lines, things went smoothly. Cara was there tonight, looking absolutley stunning i must say. It was nice to see her again. I was told I looked a lot like King Henry the VIII....which i assume is a compliment but i can't guarentee.
ok im exhausted so im going to get out of here....i have a lot of thinking to do...gotta tie up the loose ends in my head
Some New Tsuris
2:34 AM
Friday, December 05, 2003
Learn a bunch of interesting facts about your friends..
HAVE YOU EVER
1) Ever been so drunk you blacked out?- Nope
2) Skipped class because it was raining? - i dunno about the raining part...
3) Put a body part on fire for amusement?- when i was younger...doused my hand in Lysol then set it ablaze...its kinda fun
4) Been hurt emotionally? - when am i not?
5) Kept a secret from everyone?- yeah
6) Had an imaginary friend? - umm....actually, not that i can remember
7) Cried during a Movie? not that i can recall
8) Had a crush on a teacher? nope, well...do student teachers count?
9) Thought a cartoon character was hot? nooot so much....
10) Been on stage? heck yeah
11) Cut your own hair? i trim up a little bit
12) Shampoo: Whatever is available
13) Soap or shower gel? usually gel, but occasionally soap
14) Day/Night: Night
15) Summer/Winter: Winter
16) Lace or satin? i dont care
17) Fav cartoon Character(s): Stewie from Family Guy, Bender from Futurama and Capt. Murphey from SeaLab 2021
18) Fav Food: i dunno...
19) What is your fav comedy? probably Conan
20) Fav TV Show: Family Guy
22) Fav Subject: Chamber Choir...FUCK REAL SCHOOL, IM GOING TO CHOIR!
23) Fav Persons to talk to online: Kensington, Jeni, Cara and Max
24) Wearing: jeans and a button up shirt with a gray T-shirt underneath
25) Hair is: ontop of my head
26) Last thing I ate: leftover spaghetti
27) Thinking about: too much stuff i shouldn't be thinking about....read previous posts to get the gist
28) Went to school: school is wiggity whack, except choir
29) Met someone new : umm...not really met someone new, but i talked to someone i'd never talked to before
30) Cleaned your room : a few days ago...probably needs it again
32) Your best friends: Max, Jeni, Leah, Kensington, Lucas, Julie and Jarboe
33) Angels: i think God can use people as Angels....
34) Ghosts: i believe that they exist
35) God: has to exist....who else is my life entertaining too? j/k
<<-----------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------ >>
36) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? please dont rub this in...
37) Like any one? if you know me, you know the answer
38) Who's the shyest person you know? probably Max
39) Who's the weirdest? probably me
40) Who do you go to for advice? Jeni
41) When do you cry the most? I rarely cry...usually when im stressed to the breaking point
42) What's the worst feeling in the world? Loving and not being loved in return...seeing the end and not being able to reach it....having everyone you know lonely and depressed
Some New Tsuris
12:15 PM
WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE SO LONELY IN MY LIFE?!?!?
Some New Tsuris
11:57 AM
wow, buuuuusy weekend
so we had opening night of Madrigal last night...TOTALLY rocked some socks. i got tongue-tied on one of my speeches, but hey, it happens. one show down, 3 to go.
i'm not going to blog much about Madrigal dinner, because, well, there's not much to blog about.
I need to do something about this funk im in. I'm really down for no real reason. I feel so lonely, and its awful. Like I know I have soo many friends, and i totally appreciate that, but I need something more than that. i've made a harsh realization this past few days. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean they love you in return. That is one of the most painful realizations i have ever made. and i know that dwelling on this sort of thing won't make things any better, but i really can't help it. I think i've earned the right to be just a little unreasonable every now and then. I'm usually the reasonable one. What is it about "the one that got away" that is so intriguing? Generally if they "got away" they didn't want you to begin with...why do we feel the need to pursue them? in the immortal words of Jon Larson from TTB, "Why do we stay with lovers who we know down deep just aren't right? Why would we rather put ourselves through hell than sleep alone at night?" perhaps i will never understand it. All i know is what i know right now. and i know that i can make someone happy, if she'd let me. oh well...such is life...im out
Some New Tsuris
11:54 AM
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
ok yeah, sorry i haven't posted in a while...its been a crazy few days
Things with Cara didn't pan out (thus the last post), but we're still awsome friends, and she still rocks me socks...
I had a really shitty day on Mon.. like i was just a little bummed about the Cara thing, I found out im going to fail my English class, and I had some other shit on my mind. After a VERY long day at Madrigal practice, I came home and had an emotional breakdown. Then I watched me some Homestar Runner, and felt soo much better. Check out the new Marzipan Answering Machine...the link to HomestarRunner.com is below my tagboard. anyway, so Cara and I talked things through and, as i said, we're still friends. I talked to my parents about my grades, and they were mad, but not really pissed, so thats good. so everything got taken care of....yay for that
tonight, Kensington tells me that she's really mad at me....im like "AHHHH!! WHAT DID I DO??". So when she gets online, she informs me of this horrible misunderstanding, involving me. I had to sort everything out with her, ensure her that I didn't say what she was told that i said. All is well...im going to have a discussion with the source of the problem. Its a big misunderstanding that just needs to get worked out.
ok thats all i got...BUY YOUR MADRIGAL TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some New Tsuris
8:35 PM
Monday, December 01, 2003
i had a really happy post here earlier today....its no longer here, because it no longer applies...
Some New Tsuris
1:49 AM
