Thursday, September 30, 2004
why am i doing this to myself again? i hate this feeling. why can't things just be easy for once? why can't i just get my way? UGH!! I'm like this emotional tesselation. The same ol' pattern just keeps repeating itself. This pretty much sums out how I feel inside.
--from
Exquisite Corpse from Hedwig and The Angry Inch--
Inside I'm hollowed out
Outside's a paper shroud
And all the rest's illusion
That there's a will and soul
That we can wrest control
From chaos and confusion
A collage
I'm all sewn up
A montage
I'm all sewn up
"I dont want to be the guy who's with the girl because he needs her...I want to be the guy who's with the girl because he wants her" wow preach on Macaulay!
and thats about it.
Some New Tsuris
11:23 PM
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
duuuuuun Duuuuuuuuuun DUUUUUUuuunnn DUN DUN!!!!! >theme from "2001: A Space Odessey<
Yes, I am updating. I apologize for going so long without an update. I've just been really super busy. Between school, Laramie, auditions for Playboy (sexxxy Burgy), and family issues, I've just been swamped, stressed, and other adjectives as well.
Laramie's going really well. I'm really glad things are shaping up the way they are. But in a couple of weeks its gonna get fun, 'cause not only are we gonna be in performace time for Laramie, I start rehearsals for Playboy of the Western World (sexxxy IRISH Burgy). I'm really on the fence about doing Playboy though. I'm gonna love it and I really do want to do it, but a break would have been nice. oh well...it'll just make me stronger i suppose.
School is going well. I just have to keep myself from falling back into the old habit of skipping class. thus far i'm doing rather well. just gotta keep it up.
Early early Sun. morning, my papaw passed away, so we had the funeral today (Tues Sept.28th). Its kinda surreal. I dont know that its really hit me yet, and if it has, i'm taking it rather well. I just think that he was in so much pain, that its a relief that he went ahead and let go.
completely shifting subject, i'm an emotional wreck as of now. certain events have made my soul long for someone i fell i cannot have. "It was a pain, that cuts a straight line down to the heart..." to quote Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
speaking of Hedwig, if you haven't noticed, its the new theme. I'm addicted and obsessed. I finally bought the DVD, and i've watched it every day since buying it. very pathetic. but its just so amazing. and usually i listen to it in my CD player or on my computer. I'm addicted to a transexual glam rocker. how sad.
ok i will take my leave now. hmm..quote...quote...quote...lemme think....
"Morning is a dream
A break in the night
Life is but a scene
A moment in time..."
Cellophane Sun by Adam Pascal
Some New Tsuris
3:04 AM
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
ok just to clear up some misconstruations, in my "nougats of wisdom" bit a few posts back, nothing in that list was aimed at anyone in particular. My sincerest apologies if you think i was talking about you. those were just things that i've noticed in my environment that has caused problems. I don't think one of them applied directly to my life, just using my blog for what its for, ranting. so once again, i meant no one any offense and i'm sorry if it was misconstrued that way.
If i have offended any of you in some way, feel free to reasonably express your concern. most of you know my cell number and my AIM.
Some New Tsuris
9:54 PM
Monday, September 13, 2004
The Next Ten Minutes
from The Last 5 Years
--------------------------------
Will you share your life with me
For the next ten minutes?
For the next ten minutes
We can handle that
We could watch the waves
We could watch the sky
Or just sit and wait
As the time ticks by
And if we make it till then
Can I ask you again
For another ten?
And if you in turn agree
To the next ten minutes
And the next ten minutes
Till the morning comes
Then just holding you
Might compel me to
Ask you for more
There are so many lives
I want to share with you
I will never be complete until I do...
Will you share your life with me
For the next ten lifetimes?
For a million summers
Til the world explodes
Til theirs no on left who's known us apart
There are so many dreams
I need to see with you
I will never be complete
I will never be alive
I will never change the world
Until I do
Some New Tsuris
11:43 PM
oh one more
The Origin of Love
by (guess who) Hedwig and the Angry Inch
When the earth was still flat,
And the clouds made of fire,
And mountains stretched up to the sky,
Sometimes higher,
Folks roamed the earth
Like big rolling kegs.
They had two sets of arms.
They had two sets of legs.
They had two faces peering
Out of one giant head
So they could watch all around them
As they talked; while they read.
And they never knew nothing of love.
It was before the origin of love.
The origin of love
And there were three sexes then,
One that looked like two men
Glued up back to back,
Called the children of the sun.
And similar in shape and girth
Were the children of the earth.
They looked like two girls
Rolled up in one.
And the children of the moon
Looked like a fork shoved on a spoon.
They was part sun, part earth,
Part daughter, part son.
The origin of love.
Now the gods grew quite scared
Of our strength and defiance
And Thor said,
"I'm gonna kill them all
With my hammer,
Like I killed the giants."
But the Zeus said, "No,
You better let me
Use my lightning, like scissors,
Like I cut the legs off the whales
And dinosaurs into lizards."
Then he grabbed up some bolts
And he let out a laugh,
Said, "I'll split them right down the middle.
Gonna cut them right up in half."
And then storm clouds gathered above
Into great balls of fire
And then fire shot down
From the sky in bolts
Like shining blades
Of a knife.
And it ripped
Right through the flesh
Of the children of the sun
And the moon
And the earth.
And some Indian god
Sewed the wound up into a hole,
Pulled it round to our belly
To remind us of the price we pay.
And Osiris and the gods of the Nile
Gathered up a big storm
To blow a hurricane,
To scatter us away,
In a flood of wind and rain,
And a sea of tidal waves,
To wash us all away,
And if we don't behave
They'll cut us down again
And we'll be hopping around on one foot
And looking through one eye.
Last time I saw you
We had just split in two.
You was looking at me.
I was looking at you.
You had a way so familiar,
But I could not recognize,
Cause you had blood on your face;
I had blood in my eyes.
But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine.
That's the pain,
Cuts a straight line
Down through the heart,
We called it love.
So we wrapped our arms around each other,
Trying to shove ourselves back together.
We was making love,
Making love.
It was a cold dark evening,
Such a long time ago,
When by the mighty hand of Jove,
It was the sad story
How we became
Lonely two-legged creatures,
It's the story of
The origin of love.
That's the origin of love.
Some New Tsuris
5:41 PM
what better thing to do between class and rehearsal than blog? nothing. actually just gonna post some song lyrics.
The Long Grift
by Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Look what you've done
You gigolo
You know that I loved you hun
And I didn't wanna know
That your cool, seductive seranade
Was a tool of your trade
You gigolo oh oooooh
Of all the riches you've surveyed
And all that you can lift
I'm just another dollar that you made
In your long long grift
Look what you've done
You gigolo
Another hustle has been run
But now you ought to know
That this fool can no longer be swayed
Bound by the tools of your trade
You gigolo oh ooooooh
I'm just another John you giped
Another sucker stiffed
A walk on roll in the scripts
To your long long grift
A love that had me in your grip
Was just a long long grift
---------------------------------
In Your Arms Tonight
by Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Runnng head on
to things that knock me down
over again
you picked me off the ground
when I wasn't strong enough to fight
any more
but in your arms tonight
hold me close and tight
in your arms tonight
in your arms tonight
in your arms tonight
oh my love
God only knows
why I don't just retreat, instead of riding the rails
back to the place of my worst defeat
cause I'm not fooling anyone
not quite convincing you
but in your arms tonight
Try not to be strong
cry 'til it's all gone
if you hold me tight
in your arms tonight
oh my love
the years you've seen in me
the one who'd be there for you
the way I need you here tonight.......
yea...............
in your arms tonight
in your arms tonight
in your arms tonight
ohh... in your arms tonight
all....my love...
all my love
Some New Tsuris
5:31 PM
Sunday, September 12, 2004
uh oh...whats this?? holy crap, I'm updating the blog!!! ITS A MIRACLE (pronounced "murr-A-cull). Why pronounce it like that? because i said so.
anywho, that having been said, let us begin.
so school is going rather well, i think. Biology, I have a feeling, is gonna kinda suck. At least I have my lecture class with Jeni, Lauren and Heidi, and Lauren is my lab partner. Should relieve some of the drollness of class. drollness? drollity? who knows, and who cares. can droll even be put into noun form? oh well. English is gonna be a breeze. Intro to Theater will be even easier. yay for Doug rambling about the most pointless crap known to man. I really enjoy my Acting class. I'm in the class with Steve, Stephanie, and Kim. Its a fun class. Even though Trans Am Man is a fuckin' joke. i hate arrogant people.
Laramie is going really well. I'm soooo excited about it. Come see it if you're in the 'Ville. it'll be October 6-9, 14-17th. Should be great.
Lots of drama going on in the lives of people i care about. its just gotta end. This is college! I thought that sorta stuff was supposed to be left in high school.
- if you dont wanna talk to someone anymore, instead of being a coward and avoiding them, talk to them about it.
- learn to take "NO" as an answer. Through personal experience, its just easier in the long run. Sometimes tenacity is for schmucks.
- let ye who is without sin cast the first stone. don't fuckin' judge someone based on a single act. hop off the self-righteous train rounding Pretentious Turnpike and come back down to reality you fuckin' Idealist.
- if someone treats you like shit, there is no reason to ever give them the honor of your company. i don't care if they're your "best friend" or just someone you met. no matter what ya wanna call it, and asshole is still an asshole.
- if you dont have anything productive to say about a situation, shut up. sometimes the most damage is done by people not even involved in the situation. also to add to that point, don't make your business everyone else's and then complain that everyone is in your business.
if I think of anymore little nuggets of wisdom i'll add to the list.
ok i've gotten crazy with the movie buying. well, crazy for me anyway. I bought Eddie Izzard:Circle on DVD, Boondock Saints on DVD, Kissing Jessica Stein on VHS, and Igby Goes Down on DVD.
ok thats all for now.
Elaborate Lives
from Aida
"We all lead such elaborate lives
Wild ambitions in our sights.
How an affair of the heart survives
Days apart and hurried nights
Seems quite unbelieveable to me
I don't want to live like that
Seems quite unbelievable to me
I don't want a love like that
I just want our time to be
Slower and gentler
Wiser
Free
We all live in extravegant times
Playing games we can't all win
Unintended emotional crimes
Take some out
Take others in
I'm so tired of all we're going through
I don't want to live like that
I'm so tired of all we're going through
I don't want a love like that
I just wanna be with you
Now and forever
Peaceful
True
This may not be the moment
To tell you face to face
But I could wait forever
For the perfect time and place
We all lead such elaborate lives
We dont know whose words are true
Strangers, lovers, husbands, wives
Hard to know who's loving who
Too many choices tear us apart
I don't want to live like that
Too many choices tear us apart
I don't want want a love like that
I just want to touch your heart
May this confession be the start"
Some New Tsuris
11:32 PM
