Wednesday, April 27, 2005
hello all. I must preface this post with a disclaimer...so here goes..
thats right. dumb-fuck Burgdorf here pulled a muscle in his lower back on Sun., and now I'm in a lot of pain. Well...at this moment i'm not. I'm stoned as hell for the Darvocet the doc prescribed me. but i was in immense pain all day today. but i digress
so Little Shop is over and done. It was such a fun show, but i'm so glad its over. i have a lot of catching up to do, as far as homework/studying goes. I finished the first draft of my one-act for playwriting. Its on the short side, but its something to bring in and have critiques on Thurs. Now i must work on my costumes for stage craft. ugh...and a double ugh. Also gotta work on my song/research for musical theater. and again with the ugh's. We have a choir concert on Sun. which is promising to be a great concert indeed. I'm kinda stoked about it. We sound so good. Unfortunately, its the evening after Dram Prom, which means a lot of us will be little partied out. eh...we have the whole day to rest up. I do believe that is all in school news.
Socially, things are going well. Not as well as i would like, but well nonetheless. I'm still diggin' a couple of ladies, but nothing has come to fruition yet. I don't even know if anything beyond friendship is even possible. But at this point, its not a major concern. I'm leaving for 3 1/2 months in May and I'm hesitant to start anything while i'm gone. however, if there is an opportunity, I don't want to wait, and then miss my window of opportunity you know? What to do, what to do... hopefully, the apartments are wired for internet at Glimmerglass, so I can keep in contact with everyone. I'm going to miss some of y'all sooooo much. I know I've said this many times before, but i can't help it. I'm gonna miss my Shiksa and Lucille v5.0!!!! Maybe I can pack them up in one of my suitcases and they can live there with me. ya thnk? I'll look into the logistics of that.
i guess thats all for now.
"The desperate look in our eyes
Holding onto one another
Holding on for all our lives
Just letting go to discover
That love don't need a reason
And love don't need a rhyme
I'm standing here bleeding
While you discover your eyes..."
Rhyme and Reason by Adam Pascal
Some New Tsuris
12:22 AM
Friday, April 22, 2005
Some New Tsuris
1:51 AM
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Congratulations to
Bennifer Garfleck... Oh that Affleck! Matty D unavailable for comment...
Some New Tsuris
1:12 PM
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
ok so i'm in the basement of the L.A. right now, and its about 1:20pm. My next class isn't until 3 and I didn't go to my morning class. Now, you may be asking yourself, "Why the hell are you still there Burgdorf?" The answer is quite simple. I fucking forgot that my 1:30 musical theater class was cancelled for today... son of a bitch. So now I don't know what to do with myself for an hour and a half. If I go home, I'll just have to turn right back around and come back.
Fark is being a bitch right now, so I can't get my daily dose of weird news. Maybe I'll call Cara or someone and see what they're up to. Or I'll just sit here blogging.
Anywho, so I made an all encompassingly kick ass mixed CD today (I get tired of using the word "totally", so I'm taking the advice of the late Mitch Hedberg, and using a different word that means the same thing.) Its my Happy Love Mix. Its all love songs that are either goofy or upbeat. Even the ones about heartbreak are upbeat. The following is the track listing for said mixed CD.
- Female of the Species by Space (a weird British band...hard to describe)
- Me and You Against the World by Space
- Therapy from Tick, Tick...BOOM!
- Green Green Dress from Tick, Tick...BOOM!
- My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors by Moxy Fruvous (a weird Canadian pseudo-a capella band)
- Darlington Darling by Moxy Fruvous
- Punk Rock Girl by The Dead Milkmen (a pseudo-parody 80's punk band)
- My Sharona by The Knack
- New York City by They Might Be Giants
- Buddy Holly by Weezer
- Hard to Handle by The Blackcrows
- Going the Distance by Cake
- Never There by Cake
- Short Skirt, Long Jacket by Cake
- I Will Survive by Cake
- Let Me Go by Cake
- Off My Mind by Spin Doctors (remember them? Two Princes and Little Miss Can't be Wrong)
- Jimmy Olsen Blues by Spin Doctors
- You're My Best Friend by Queen
- She by Green Day
- Pulling Teeth by Green Day
- The One That Got Away by Adam Pascal
- Cellophane Sun by Adam Pascal
I think that is a pretty kick ass list of songs if I ever saw one.
So I suppose I should put some substance to this post. I am really happy right now. I'm really enjoying life. Are there things I would change if I could? yeah, of course. But ya know what? Its not worth the misery. All I can do is be me, and hope for the best...and be the best friend I know how to be to those who are hurting. It still amazes me how many just great people I have in my life. And sure, yeah, there are those people who I wish would just never talk to me ever again. I just try my best to avoid them if at all possible. If not possible, I'm nice to them, I treat them with the same respect I treat everyone else. Being rude never solved anything. It just hurts people's feelings, and I don't want that, no matter how much I don't like you. I'm a firm believer in karma, and if I'm rude to them, then I'm no better than they are, and therefore I'm a hypocrite. Fortunately there aren't a whole lot of people with whom I'm in constant contact with that I don't like. Chances are, if I don't like you, you'll know. I'll avoid you at all cost. If I make fun of you or say rude things to you, it means that I do in fact totally dig you, and it is all in jest. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think we were close enough for you to know that.
ok, that having been said, time to switch subjects. Ok so a big group of us went to see Amityville Horror on Sun. Jesus, that movie was SCARY. Wow. Ryan Reynolds just totally...err...i mean all encompassingly... rocked my socks off. He is slowly climbing my list of favorite actors. I thought he was HYSTERICAL in Van Wilder and Blade III, but this movie proved that he could act. I was truely terrified of him. Out of our group of like 10ish, only one of us didn't like it. so technically it got a 90% approval rating amongst our group. yay for that.
ugh, first day back to the show after a day and a half off. I really do love this show, but I can't wait 'til its over. Its such a tiring show. plus, i hate the fact that I am the only male in the show who has full makeup onstage. I have middle/old age makeup, silver hair coloring for my hair, goatee, sideburns and eyebrows. Its just a pain in the ass getting it all off ya know? and putting it on takes FOREVER. Strike for this show is going to SUCK. Thank god I'm not on the lighting strike. But, the show must go on. Come see it this week if you've not seen it yet...or even if you have, come see it again. It really is a great show. I'm really proud of everyone involved.
I leave for New York in like a month. AHHHHHHHHH!!! so much to do...
Choir show is on May 1st at Old North Methodist Church on Stringtown Rd. Come see us. We are awesome.
"I first met you hanging knickers on the line
from that moment on
I knew that there could only be one outcome,
me and you against the world forever
You have no folks and I'm just a joke
but we made a vow
That we, would never sell each other out
A lie detector wouldn't make me doubt you
Now we know that it's us versus the world now
Me and you against the world now
Look up there in the sky now
See the stars, well they're shining just for us
Hey now, me and you against the world now
Look up there in the sky now
See the stars well they're
shining just for us"
--- excerpt from Me and You Agaist the World by Space
Some New Tsuris
1:17 PM
Monday, April 18, 2005
ok so here are some INSANELY funny quotes i found...enjoy!
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spellingby Mark TwainFor example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.Mitch Hedberg quotes:"I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy. ""Someone handed me a picture and said, "This is a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. "...Here's a picture of me when I'm older." Where'd you get that camera man?""Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.""If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible..."ok...on to class...possibly more quotes later...
Some New Tsuris
10:22 AM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
ok so right away i'm gonna tell y'all that i'm drunk...just to get that out of the way. well...i'm not DRUNK persay, but i'm at that PERFECT level of buzzing where i'm numb, but i was able to drive home with no problem. Its a great feeling. I love it.
Special thanks to Lauren tonight for having one fucking fun "gathering" at her apt. it was totally good times. there was alkeehol, there was great fun, great people, great porn (long story...). it was just a blast. I finally got to meet April's boyfriend Ed tonight. I really liked him a lot. He's good people. So April, if you're reading this, good job. He definately gets the Burgdorf stamp-o'- approval. And thats saying a lot. I'm very protective of my girls. he just seemed to be a really cool cat (how you know i'm drunkish, i just used the word "cat" in describing someone).
I apologize if my spelling/puncuation is off. I'm not quite in the frame of mind to...well...care
LSOH went amazingly tonight. The audience kicked so much ass...they gave us (or at least me) so much energy to feed off of. Theater, if you didn't know, is quite a metaphysical thing. The audience can either pass that beam of energy onto you, or they can just not give ya anything. The crowds who don't give you anything are shitty crowds to play to, because you don't feel the desire to impress them. Any energy you give seems futile. Tonight, you could fuel a small town with the energy they were giving back. it rocked some fucking socks off.
The Single Bug is biting me again. I hate being single. I am content being single, but i don't like it. Every girl I know either a) has a boyfriend 2) doesn't think of me "like that" c) i'm not particularly attracted to (looks and/or personality) 36) other assorted reasons why dating them isn't in the cards. It sucks. It sucks really bad. I fucking hate being "the friend" sometimes ya know? don't get me wrong, I love my friends. I would absolutely die if it weren't for my friends. But some of my friends I am very much attracted to, and its just kinda like "ugh...why not me?" when i'm around them. I can't date someone who's not my friend. Its just not in me. If i'm attracted to a girl and I think I have a shot, I will be her friend before I pursue anything else. In fact, 90% of my female friend base is either people I once wanted to date, or people I still do want to date. I think its hard to NOT do that if you're a guy. and I know i'm not the typical "guy", but i do have that level of testosterone, and i do have such inclinations. I sometimes just sit down and wonder, "Why am I so fucking undateable?!?!" I'm a sweet guy, I go OUT OF MY WAY to help people, especially women. I am ALWAYS there to listen to just about anyone who needs to vent. Sure i'm not "a hottie", but I'm not a bad looking guy. I'm working on the weight thing, which i think is my most unattractive feature. Why not me? i get so fucking sick of it sometimes.
I also feel very unappreciated sometimes. Like people just get used to my being there, that they stop caring about how I feel or what I think or what I want. ugh. sorry....i dont' mean to sound whiney, but its true. I would never admit to this if i wasn't slightly drunk, and this wasn't a blog, because I hate being a whiner. there are maybe 2 or 3 people who i can always count on to care about me. the rest, i can never be sure ya know? and that hurts, above anything else. feeling that someone who you really care about doesn't give a fucking damn about you.
my back hurts...i just sneezed and now it hurts even more. goddamn back pain.
wow...that was an unplanned Burgdorf rant. whodathunkit?
So i've now learned Interstae Love Song and Big Empty, both by Stone Temple Pilots, on guitar. YAY for that. I love BOTH of those songs. it makes me sad they STP is no longer together. Now Scott Weiland is with Velvet Revolver, and they're just not as good as their respective original bands. tragic.
Ok well, as much as i bitch, i have to admit that life is going rather well as of now. I've gotten over a lot of my "me" issues. The "battle" between Shiksa and I has ended with great results. We are closer now because there isn't that tension. I have a wonderful date to Dram Prom. The show I'm in kicks ass. I have an amazing job this summer. I'm losing weight. The weather has been BEAUTIFUL as of late.
ok...i think thats all for now...
"You say you cannot live with me
You need you're own identity
So now we air our laundry of national TV
and so you hate my arrogance
my smothering and sitting on the fence
but I'm afraid of the heart troubles
of letting you go free
But I know
You will be waiting
Oh I know
You will be waiting
Oh I know
You will be waiting
Waiting there for me"
-- from
You Will Be Waiting by Barenaked Ladies
Some New Tsuris
1:46 AM
Saturday, April 16, 2005
oye oye oye... soooo much on my mind right now. why do i always fall for da ladies who have boyfriends... maybe its my gluttony for punishment.
but anywho, things are actually going rather well. Little Shop opened on Wed. and I think that it is going swimmingly. I think we have a really awesome show, and people seem to be really entertained by it. so thats fun.
a little irked about my discovery of a rumor being circulated about me. its not a big deal. basically, a couple people have asked me if my friend
April and I are dating.... i was like "uhhh....no...sheeee has a boyfriend, who is not me....who is someone completely other than me." and they told me that they "heard someone talking about it...", whatever that means. Its not so much that i care about people talking about me...its just that i don't want to strain my friendship with April, or her relationship with her boyfriend. its stupid shit like that that can make for awkward situations. grrr...i think it'll be ok though. enough people know me and know her to see through the bullshit. sure, i flirt with her a lot...but i flirt with just about EVERY girl alot. its what i do...i flirt.
moving on...
so i'm really looking forward to Dram Prom! I am taking El Midgeto Extraordenaire, my Lucille v5.0. its going to be a total blast. yay for that!
jesus...my thoughts are all very disjointed right now...isn't that a sign of schizopherenia? eh...i already know i'm loopy. nothing new there.
freakin' out a little bit about leaving for New York. i leave May 14th or 15th. this is just a TOTALLY new experience for me, ya know? it should be awesome though. I'm just going to really really really miss Lucille and Shiksa. its gonna suck not having them to go to Denny's with until 3am.
thats about it for now...
(P.S., i hate it when people don't use punctuation in their blogs/IMs/emails/etc.... As you will notice, this post is punctuated rather well. thats because i like people to know when my sentences begin and end. ugh...that just bugs me.)
"And my heart
was left out naked and exposed
I wish that you had left more
to the eye
I can't find the words
to say I Love You...
Nailed
Nailed
This should suffice to get you nailed
they sent you Christ to get you nailed"
--- from
Nailed by Hedwig and the Angry Inch (as if they were a real band)
Some New Tsuris
2:38 AM
Monday, April 11, 2005
ok so i'm going to do something i haven't done in a while...write another infamous Burgdorf rant... and in this one, i am totally going to indict myself. Thanks to a wonderful river-side chat with my Lucille v5.0, I really did some thinking about myself, my feelings, and the situations in which I put myself.
My biggest mistake is confusing romantic love with that sort of transcending love that really can't be explained. Romantic love is important. But that transcending love is crucial. Its that love that no matter what happens; no matter how much you fuck the situation up, you know that that person will always be there to forgive you. I feel that in my confusion of this, I almost disrespected that transcending love. and above all, that hurt me the most. a lot of what i was feeling was my fear of losing that transcending love. and the thought of that just shredded my soul. but my pride stepped in and convinced me that it was her fault. that she was hurting me, intentionally or not. and now I see this and it hurts...but its the good kind of hurt...its that hurt that you know once it heals, the callouse that will form will make you stronger than you've ever been. Like when you cut callouses on your fingers playing guitar. It is painful for a few days, but then your ability to make that beauty is so much easier and more powerful. So to you, the one whose love I betrayed, i want to apologize. I was just afraid that I would lose you as soon as someone else moved into the picture. I want to apologize for my immaturity over the situation. I didn't get what i wanted, so i pouted and threw a tantrum. so please forgive me...
this is what i'm talking about....ugh...i wanted to write more, but i'm spent right now...if i think of more i'll post it...
Some New Tsuris
1:05 AM
Monday, April 04, 2005
Some New Tsuris
11:20 PM
Sunday, April 03, 2005
I had totally forgotten about this song...every time i hear it, i damn near cry everytime. Its just such a beautiful song...just wanted to share
Motorcycle Drive-Byby Third Eye Blind
Summer time and the wind is blowing
Outside in lower Chelsea
And I don't know
What I'm doing in the city
The sun is always in my eyes
It crashes through the windows
And I'm sleeping on the couch
When I came to visit you
That's when I knew
That I could never have you
I knew that before you did
Still I'm the one who's stupid
And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes
And you don't mind
You smile
And say the world it doesn't fit with you
I don't believe you
You're so serene
Careening through the universe
Your axis on a tilt
You're guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you
And there are things I would like to do
That you do not believe in
I would like to build something
But you'll never see it happen
And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've, never been so alive
Where's the soul?
I wanna know
New York City's evil
The surface is everything
But I could never do that
Someone would see through that
And this is the last time
We'll be friends again
And I'll get over you
You wonder who I am
And there's this burning
Just like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've, I've never been so alive
So alive
I go home to the coast
It starts to rain
I paddle out on the water
Alone
Taste the salt
And taste the pain
I'm not thinking of you again
Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this rolling wave
Darkly coming
To take me
home
And I've never been so alone
A-a-and I've never been so alive
Some New Tsuris
3:40 PM
Saturday, April 02, 2005
ok so i'm reeeeeaaaallly bored....
[Name]: Nathan Burgdorf
[Spell your name backwards]: Frodgrub Nahtan
[Birthdate]: 07/06/84
[Birthplace]: Valparaiso, IN
[Current Location]: Evansville, IN
[Eye Color]: Greenish-blueish-yellowish
[Hair Color]: brown with a tint of red
[Righty or Lefty]: righty
[Innie or Outtie]: Innie
[Who is your worst enemy?]:My self
[If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be?]: probably a chimpanzee
[What is the latest you've ever stayed up]: i've gone 3 days without sleep before
[Ever been to Belgium?]: ummm......no
[What's your favorite coin?]: Quarter...'cause they just kick ass...i have no reason
DESCRIBE YOUR
[Wallet]: black leather....its a pretty standard wallet really....
[Jewelery worn daily]: my two Celtic knot rings I got in Ireland
[Favorite shirt]: I don't really have one...my J. Ferrara shirts i suppose...
[Favorite pants]: again...don't really have one
[Favorite shoes]: my brown boots...Lugz kick ass
[Cologne/Perfume]: the kind that smell good...
[CD in stereo right now]: Last 5 Years
[Tattoos]: none...yet
[Piercings]: see above
[Do you believe in love]: yes
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: i believe in connection at first sight....love comes later...
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: yes
[Do you believe in God]: jury is still out on that one...i believe there is a lot we don't know about...
[One thing you'd like to achieve]: finding the one person who'll make me happy...and being on Broadway
[Your most overused phrase on aim]: LOL
[The first feature you notice in the opposite sex]: face in general...eyes specifically
[Your best physical feature]: my eyes... they're very expressive
[Think you're attractive]: yes... I think once I get some weight off i'll be dashingly handsome
[Been on stage]: ....you're kidding right?? i'm a fucking actor...
[Been trashed or extremely intoxicated]: i dunno...lets as Scott or Kensington...or that bottle of Jose I killed
[Been called a tease]: not that i can recall
[Best eye color]: green or light brown
[Best first kiss location]: where the heart leads ya
[six beverages you drink frequently]
1. diet pepsi
2. coffee
3. water
4. hot tea
5. milk
6. some form of juice
[four places to go in your area]
1. Barnes
2. Denny's
3. Walmart
4. Steak N' Shake
[five things to do when you're bored]
1. sing
2. play guitar/bass/piano
3. watch movies
4. sleep
5. AIM
[five things that never fail to cheer you up]
1. music
2. singing
3. guitar/piano/bass
4. going out for a drive
5. talk to friends
[Six things you can't live without]
1. music
2. internet
3. friends
4. my cell phone
5. my truck
6. theater
[seven things on your desk]
1. my computer
2. my array of candles
3. junk
4. my speakers
5. coffee can full on pennies
6. whatever i empty out of my pockets
7. Make up (sadly...)
[places where you’ve lived]
1. San Antonio, TX
2. Evansville Indiana
[five places you like to eat at]
1. Olive Garden
2. CiCi's
3. G.D. Ritzy's
4. Los Bravos
5. Hacienda
[Fave color(s)]: dark red, black
[Fave movie(s)]: Hedwig and the Angry Inch
[Fave Animal(s)]: don't really have one...i love my cats
[Fave Holiday(s)]: all of 'em...it means i get to just chill
[Fave T.V. Show(s)]: Arrested Development, Family Guy, Futurama, Whos Line, South Park
[Hottest Girl]: Katie Holmes or Kate Hudson
[Fave band(s)]: Billy Joel, Barenaked Ladies, Hedwig and the Angry Inch (not a real band...but we'll go with it), Blues Traveler
[Fave Friends]: Cara, Lauren, Kensington, April, Camille...what the fuck...all of 'em
[Fave sport(s)]: i really don't care for sports...l
[Pepsi or Coke]: Coke
[Beach or Snow]: Beach
[Rainy or Sunny]: warm/rainy
[Square or Circle]: Circle its just more pleasing to the eye
[Dark or Bright]: dark
DO YOU...?
[Have a best friend?]: i have a few
[Speak another language]: not fluently...i know some Spanish, Italian, Yiddish, Gaelic, German, French...none of which i know a whole lot of
[Who have you known the longest right now]: jesus..umm...probably Lucas and Grant...
[Who do you talk to online the most]: Cara and Lauren
[Who do you talk to on the phone most]: probably Kensington or Cara
[Who do you trust the most]: i really don't trust many people...at least not fully
[Who listens to your problems]: Cara, Kensington, Lauren, Camille
[Who do you fight with the most]: my parents, Kensington (when i'm in a mood...still love ya kid)
[Who is the shyest]: oh i dont know
[Who is the nicest]: see above
[Who is the sweetest]: most of my female friends
[Who is the funniest]: Cara for her cynicism and knowledge of the obscure, Kensington for her quirky weirdness, April for her quotes and quirkiness
[Who is the most outgoing]: Kensington
[Who is the smartest]: i tend to hang out with all smart people...dumb people aggrivate me
[Who is the ditziest]: oh i dont know...
[Who is the best singer]: I'm going to claim that one (just lemme have it...)
HAVE YOU EVER...
[cussed someone out]: yes
[stayed up for 24 hours]: yes, and beyond
[gotten drunk?]: i'm a little drunk right now actually
[gone a day w/out eating]: yuuup
[talked on the phone all night]: not since high school
[been in a bed w/the opposite sex]: yep
[smoked]: ....i'm a smoker...
[made prank calls]: yes....but not in a long time
[slept all day]: yep...usually when i'm up all night or ill
[killed someone]: only in my thoughts
[been out of the country]: yep...Ireland rocked my socks
[told a guy/ girl you loved them]: yes...lets please not bring that up.... i also tell my best friends that too...'cause i love them more than myself sometimes
[if yes, did you mean it]: totally
[gone skinny dipping]: nope
[kissed someone you didn't know]: yes...alcohol was involved
[threatened someone]: i'm not a very threatening person...
Some New Tsuris
2:39 AM
ok so i think i'm better...maybe. the past 2 days have been good. sure I may for a brief moment get a little bummed, but thats a far stretch better than i have been. i think that last post was great catharsis for me. it wasn't about anyone in particular. just a culmination of general feelings i've felt for a long long time. i'm sorry if anyone took offense to it. not intended.
I'm happy for a certain couple of people. I hope everything works out for the best. congratz the both of ya.
i just gotta focus on the positive and i'll be alright. focus....focus....focus....
ok I'm out
"If life were easy, we wouldn't have country music..." -- some comedian and i can't remember who it is...
Some New Tsuris
2:12 AM
